I was never so happy to find out I had a chronic disease as I was when I found out this week it wasn’t cancer. I truly feel like all the prayers and thoughts everyone here and my circle of support outside this blog gave me ensured i was not going to get cancer. I can’t explain it but I actually remained positive until the results came – as positive as one can be under the circumstances.

Sarcoidosis was the diagnosis. Not a fun disease, but given the alternatives I was happy to have that diagnosis. Right now I’m in a lot of pain, migraines, chest pain (breathing-wise), and so forth. But I keep thinking to myself – it isn’t cancer, it isn’t cancer, it isn’t cancer. It was like a new day dawned.

Although I’m at the worst place I’ve ever been in my life, I’m in so much pain I can hardly type, I’ve never felt more mentally clear and positive.

I had a dream the other night – likely pain medicine induced – that I was in a Macy’s type store, ripping the entire thing apart. Anything that was organized (pantyhose on a shelf, hair clips, purses, socks, etc.) I was thrashing, throwing it everywhere. I never have dreams like that! Usually I’m being chased by someone acting like that – it isn’t me. I don’t do “bad” things like that.

I then realized that I think it was my mind telling me to rip apart my life and start over. MAKE it what I want – not just sit back and let things happen. Go for it – if we need money go make it, if we need a vacation, take one, etc. Stop being the victim, start being the terror – but in a GOOD way – smile.

So I am. I’ve decided to pursue another line of work in my spare time that is fun for me, and could prove profitable. More like a hobby with potential earnings. I’ll keep my day job of course, but who knows – it could be something or worse case, I enjoy some time working on things I like to do. Is that so bad?

My husband is the same – he is making it happen too. He already has two new account potentials, meetings with some highly connected people, and we are both doing it. It may not work – but I’m thinking positive again.

I don’t want to be BIll Gates rich, I just want to go back to being comfortable and not worrying 100% of the time about how to pay a bill. I don’t need furs, boats, sports cars, Prada this, Gucci that – I just need the love of my family, a steady income to keep the roof over their heads, and time to spend with them.

Well – at least today’s blog was more up beat. I need to find the silver lining – hopefully I may already have – in these tests we are given. But the support from those who don’t even know me is what continues to amaze me day in and day out. The tears I cry are of the joy I receive from your comments and offers of assistance. God bless you all.